MSICHANA WA WENYEWE

So... I am not an avid fan of football.. But I occasionally enjoy a big big match. Like Arsenal vs Chelsea ., whenever such big teams I might watch at least one half. I usually wait for a goal., however if no goal is scored, I switch to Trace. Anyway, we all know paying for premium channels is really expensive, about 8500 if I can give a ball park figure., so kwetu, we just pay compact plus. The only sports channel is some weird channel that shows only Gor play, I try to avoid or risk my tv screen breaking with stones. Anyway, the weekend is here and there is a big big game I tell you. Chelsea are playing Man-u. This I gotta watch, or I'll have to stick with girls the next week at school coz all the guys will talk about that match. As I said, kwetu, the dstv doesn't show live matches, but I gotta watch. 

It's an hour to the match na bado sina the guts to pay 4000 to upgrade to premium  or rather sina pesa mfukoni. I think of going to the local bar and buy a soda and sip it the whole night but that's seems too ratchet. Then, I get a eureka moment. My next door neighbors have paid premium. So I shower, spray that cologne ya kupimiwa and head next door. I knock once... No answer... Knock twice... No answer... I feel like shit and begin to walk away, then I hear a mellifluous voice calling after me. 'Hey, excuse me, sorry for the delay' 

I turn, like a dog I swallow a pint of spit. She is hot... She has a short denim short, a plain white t-shirt and free flowing hair. In all honesty she had worn 'kawaida' but damn that 'kawaida' made her look gorgeous. I walk back and tell her my predicament. She is too fly that I hustle to muster the words. 

'Hey, my name is Chelsea, sorry, game ya Chelsea I mean, I am Kim. No dstv, me no go home' she giggles and tells me to relax,like she knows she is confusing me. So I take a deep breath, swallow that spit and explain to her that I planned watch the match with her big bro. She tells me her bro is not around but I can come in and watch the match. Like a dog, I follow her in.

She hands me like 5 remotes and explains, 'this is for home theater, DVD, TV, lights, mboch, waiter...' Something like that. Kwetu ni moja, ya tv... Mwisho, the rest you change manually. I sit down and she asks me if I'd like a drink, of course I accept. She goes to the kitchen as I wonder why Anto, her bro, never told me he had a sister. Oh well, the nigga ain't here. She comes back with whiskey and a glass of wine for her. Damn! I'm in love already. She hands me my drink and puts the match. Apparently Ata bado sikuwanimeweka, I think of what brought me here. Football, nothing else. The match has started and I realize Ata jina sijui. 'What's your name?' 'Fiona' I glow a little bit inside. Growing up I used to call the characters in my stories Fiona and now I meet one in the flesh. 'Are you in campus?' I ask. She says no, ako form four. That breaks my heart. She lays comfortably on the sofa exposing those legs, I think to myself, 'hizo mguu si za high school, ni za campo!' Anyway, I came here for the match. 

As the match starts she tells me about Diego Costa and Fabregas, how she is excited about their transfers to Chelsea. I drool, like a dog. She knows football, she drinks, she's hot, she's Fiona... She's an angel. Just too young. I smile at her, she smiles back, this whiskey is making me confident. It is 15minutes into the game, no goals on the pitch, whilst a young African is trying to score. Let the games continue. She says she has noticed me around the estate, cjui nikiosha gari, cjui vyombo, cjui nikitoa trash. Yaaani she makes me look like a houseboy. Anyway, even houseboys get some action. The first half ends and she is sleepy. Shit! I'm not sure if I should go home but all the fibre in me is saying I should stay with Fiona, I don't wanna bang her, okay maybe I do but she is wife material. I want more. She lays on my shoulders and says she is taking a nap. Her hair smelt like lavender, hizo mguu brown skin my friend... Ata usiku they glowed. So I let her sleep. Overconfident I plan how I should rush home for some protection, but labda nikirudi ntapata wamehama. So I let her enjoy my small shoulder. 

I continue drinking, my mind is soo far , I've even forgotten what brought me here. I touch her weave, Ata msichana akuwe brown skin aje, nywele ni ya wazungu. She giggles, she is awake. I guess this is flirting I think to myself. Then she looks at me. Ata huwezi fikiria huyu ametoka kulala. She comes closer and kisses me. I pinch myself to make sure kweli niko awake. Oops I pinched her instead. Pombe ni mbaya. She stands, she looks so sexy., she taker her top off... Wah. I even forget where we live, Leo ni Leo. Hii 4 months dry spell itanijua. Then..

The door swings open, it's Anto, Fiona looks at me, she screams... Bitch !!!

Like a dog I run....